Q. What's something really funny & doesn't exist?

A. Cute cold weather shoes!
(^ the answer to my blog titles questions)

When I moved to this grand state of Utah 2 years ago I could NOT understand why it was that girls wore such ugly shoes. Did they have no fashion sense? What is with the freaking platforms... they were so.... 3 days ago. After my 1st winter here in Utah I realized the reason. Now there are a few reasons so please, let me explain...

1. There is an art to walking in the snow/frozen snow (a.k.a. ice sheets)/snow slush with ice underneath it. You do not just walk normally... to ensure you do not have a crowd gathering fall, you must walk normally for one step and then slightly slide/drag your feet for the next glide. This allows you to make it from one end of campus to the other. By dragging your feet every other stride this accumulates slush on the toes of your shoe, if not waterproof... you will end up sick like I am right now. So... you must have waterproof shoes.


2. To walk in the snow you do not want to have wooden sole of your shoe. You need something with traction. Something that every other glide you take grips into the snow ensuring you walk without wobbling. You would not think, but this type of tread on the bottom of shoes is difficult to find. Point being...you must have rubber soled shoes with some form of traction or "grip" on the bottom.


3. When walking in the snow I like to blame it on my height that causes this next irritation... wet pants all the way up to your knee "pits" (the backside of your knee). I would like to think that because I'm short, I'm closer to the ground which causes the water to jump more easily on me... however this theory fails quickly when I realize every bodies feet is the same level as mine when touching the ground regardless of height. The taller the individual does not mean the higher their feet are off the ground. What is annoying is once you are in the classroom and your ears feel as if they are bleeding because it's so flippin' cold outside... your wet pant legs rub against your legs. Hello brrr. For this reason you must... I repeat... you MUST buy shoes that come up to at least the bottom of your calf so that you do not get cold while your pants attempt to dry in the classroom.


4. If you try walking on the ground described in #1, heals are just a hilarious attention grabber. As you walk your spike get stuck in the snow causing you to launch forward then quickly get pulled back making you only look like the biggest freak available in the near vicinity (that is unless your by the Information Technology Service Desk or by the Engineering Building where there are plenty more freaks to take the attention off of you). The whole fashion of cute pointy toed shoes with a skinny heel is just so out of the question here. However if you feel like adding humor to other students day just go ahead and wear them.


5. You can be walking up the stairs built by Satan himself at Utah State University... Old Main Hill... (FACT: According to Utah State a 150-pound person carrying zero to nine pounds for 15 minutes up Old Main hill will burn 125 calories.) when your notice you do not feel your toes at all. In fact you stop and look behind you to make sure they have not fallen off on one of the 73 steps. This causes for the last point to be made... you must buy shoes that are warm.


6. You need to be high enough off the ground so that you do not show up to class looking like a drowned rat. This creates the purpose of the ugly platform shoes all the girls wear. You are lifted off the ground quite a bit so that you your not soaking wet! You must have shoes that lift you high enough off the ground! Sadly but so they resort to the platforms.
   
   Now once you take all 6 reasons why people in Utah own such ugly shoes, it is because there is no shoe that fits this criteria and serves all these functions that is CUTE or attractive. That is why for 11 out of the 12 months of year (it feels like at least) that people in Utah wear such UGLY shoes. If you find something that fits this criteria and is attractive... please do tell. It just comes to a point where you just need to forget the fashion and go with the ugliest but warmest thing available.
   
   I would however like applaud North Face company, for their attempt to making something fashionable for cold weather...
   
   
   

I wonder what Clinton and Stacey would say from the show on TLC "What Not To Wear!"
Up Next ... Flattering Cold Weather Apparel.